The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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