Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
