Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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