Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize