dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize