I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had sex on a roof
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
