I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
