glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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