Cold hands, warm shart.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
