the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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