I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize