so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
