She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
