dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
