we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
