We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
