I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I touched a dick in church today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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