dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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