The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
