i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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