Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
