girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
