I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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