Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
