After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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