Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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