i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
