I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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