no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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