I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
