Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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