does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
