Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
