My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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