And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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