She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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