Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
