Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
