I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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