It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
