im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
my being single is dangerous.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
