Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
