Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Welp...herpes.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
