I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
