Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
