Non-Jews are for practice
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize