Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
