When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
