For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize