the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
