After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
