I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
