im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
