I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
