He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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