Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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