critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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