I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
