Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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