help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
