Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize