all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
