Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So many bounce houses so little time
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
