I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
